Jayfather
by Terklysz
Summary: Awaiting for a reunion with beloved cat, Half Moon decides to offer Jayfeather a gift, that may help him understand his family better, but it's not quite the thing he expects...
1. Chapter 1

Story is set after the events of The Forgotten Warrior.

* * *

Musing her ear with his nose he knew there was nothing more that he would want in his life. He cuddled up to her, enjoying every second of her touch.

"I have to go, Jay's Wing". As she spoke, Jayfeather pressed against her harder, not willing to let her go.

"Already? But we will see again next night, will we?" He meowed wistfully.

She turned her head away, unable to meet his gaze, and he knew the answer.

"The road from the mountains of the tribe is long and difficult, my dearest."

She wrapped her tail around his back. "There's a reason I made it tonight. I wanted to give you... A boon, so you have something to remember me by."

She turned around to face him, her green eyes filled with sadness. She pressed her nose against his, and from this touch Jayfeather felt the ripple of shocking feeling spreading through his body. The pain knocked him down, and he trembled as it was passing through him.

"Endure, my dearest. Love can be painful, but I'd never harm you."

"I kn-ow." He muttered with trouble, still feeling the effects of Half Moon's *boon*. His vision was getting darker and he knew it was a time of farewell.

"I have to go. Please, promise you will visit me again!" Jayfeather said as everything turned to black.

But as she turned her sight down, she made no such promise.

"I will wait for you forever, Jay's Wing..."

* * *

Jayfeather stretched himself in his nest as his senses were awaking with him. He felt comforted by the familiar scents of medicine cat den. He could hear Briarlight nearby doing her exercises and breathing heavily.

"Thirty-five... Thirty-six... Thirty..." He could hear her growing tired and after what was supposed to be thirty-seven he heard a loud thud.

"Ouch!" She meowed annoyed.

"You should put some moss underneath you when you train, so it doesn't hurt as much." He meowed as he was getting on his paws.

"Yes, I should... Jayfeather, you're awake, finally!" She mewed excited.

"It's boring now that everyone went on sunhigh patrol."

It took a moment for a Jayfeather to comprehend what the injured cat said. It was sunhigh already? _No wonder I feel tired if I've been sleeping for so long_.

"Why haven't you waken me before?" He asked sharply.

"Nobody was in need for a medicine cat this morning. And you looked so adorable sleeping that I didn't have heart to wake you up." She mewed cheerfully.

"Pff, adorable." He snorted to himself.

"I don't have time to waste by looking adorable. Leaf-bare is coming and the herbs will be gone soon." Having that said, he decided to check the camp if there's any need for him and then go hunt for herbs. He felt dizzy as he made few steps forward. _I definitely slept for too long_.

As he thought he was leaving the den, he expected to feel a fresh wind upon his muzzle, but instead it got scratched by bramble walls.

"Uhm, Jayfeather why did you bump onto a wall?" Briarlight mewed with concern.

_Mouse Dung, I'm such an idiot. _He felt his pelt grow hot, because not even as a kit he made a mistake like this.

_Concentrate... Of course, the entrance is fox-length to the right. _He wasn't feeling well, obviously.

"You've been ridiculous whole morning, so I wanted to check if it's not a dream. It's not, it's just you being a mouse-brain." He mewed and quickly moved out.

He welcomed the feeling of wind on his whiskers and sun scorching his pelt. After tasting the air he noticed that the camp was fairly empty. Sorreltail was walking with her kits around the camp, the young cats cheerfully mewing while moving toward him.

"Hello, Jayfeather. Lilykit, Seedkit say hi to our medicine cat. If someone gets hurt or sick, Jayfeather helps us." Sorreltail mewed, as the two kits bounced all around him.

"Hi Jayfeather!" Lilykit mewed as she pounced on his front paw and tried to squash it with all her tiny weight.

"Will he help us? Others say he is a meanie!" Seedkit mewed from behind him, making leaps to try to bat at his tail.

Jayfeather heard Sorreltail's tail sweeping the ground, as if she was embarrassed by her kit's comment.

"Don't be rude! Don't spread rumours, it's not nice. I'm sorry for them, Jayfeather."

Jayfeather shook his paw, making the kit roll down.

"At least they are strong and healthy."

"That's enough kits, if you can't behave we will go back to the nursery." She mewed as she was pushing kits close to her.

Kits mewed in protest, but they must have realised that Sorreltail is not going to change her mind.

"Sorry, Jayfeather." Kits mewed before following their mother back to the nursery.

_StarClan save me from the kits._

Meeting with them made him realise once more how much the Clans have to lose in the upcoming battle with the Dark Forest. The sinister warriors won't have any mercy and Jayfeather knew he, Lionblaze and Dovewing would do anything to stop them. His stomach twisted as he thought about what was the price of the upcoming conflict. He also knew that they three wouldn't be enough to stop Dark Forest. Even since coming back from the mountains he listened carefully for anything that might suggest who the fourth warrior might be, but to no avail.

Near the fresh-kill pile, Dovewing was sharing tongues with Bumblestripe. Busy purring, they didn't notice Jayfeather approaching.

"Can we talk, Dovewing?"

"Uhm, Yes, what's it's about?" She mewed still curled up to Bumblestripe.

Jayfeather moved his gaze to where he thought Bumblestripe was. The tom quickly got the idea.

"Briarlight's awake?" He mewed.

"Yes, she is. A visit would do her good." Jayfeather replied, and Bumblestripe stood up on his paws and padded away to the medicine cat den.

Dovewing licked her paw and began washing her ears.

"So, what do you want?"

"Aren't you too young to be a mother?"

Dovewing stopped still as she heard his question. He could feel awkwardness coming out of her.

"Wha-what?"

"Aren't you too young to be a mother?" Jayfeather asked once again.

The grass shushed when Dovewing rolled on her back.

"Am I expecting kits?" She mewed quietly.

"You need a blind cat to tell you that?" He waved his tail nonchalantly.

Dovewing leaped to her paws energetically and came so close he could feel her breath.

"Please, tell me!" She mewed anxiously.

"I don't think you are. But ask Ferncloud if you want to be sure."

"So wh-" Dovewing started, but Jayfeather waved his tail to indicate he hasn't finished.

"What are you thinking? The battle is coming. There will be time for bumblebees to pollinate the flowers. But right now, Clans need us focused, and ready to do whatever is necessary. It's not time for that."

She moved past him and he could sense her fur fluffing up.

"I am doing everything I can for Clan!" She shouted.

"But for you it's never enough. I can be a loyal warrior and have a normal life, you know!"

Jayfeather felt anger pulsing through his paws. It was one of the few moments when he almost threw himself at his Clanmate.

"No cat has a destiny such as ours and this mean..."

But Dovewing wasn't in mood for listening, and interrupted him mid sentence.

"Destiny, Prophecy, it's all you think! There's much more than just it!"

"Not right now." He growled.

"I've got enough of this." She mewed and moved away.

"Don't do anything stupid!" He shouted after her.

_How can you be so naive, Dovewing? _And he thought she was responsible.

The convulsion crawling through his belly interrupted his train of thought.

_I must have eaten something stale_. In pain, he moved back to his den.

"... And then he told us he will show us, but after he tripped over a root their whole patrol was so embarrassed that they went back." Jayfeather heard Bumblestripe relaying what probably was morning patrol to his sister.

"And I used to think that ShadowClan cats are scary." She purred amused.

"They surely make terrifying number of threats, but thankfully can't back them up."

Jayfeather decided not to interrupt their conversation and went straight to the herb store.

He stood in front of it and tried to recall what herbs should he take for bellyache. But his mind was still clouded and the pain wasn't helping.

Annoyed, he turned around.

"Hey, Briarlight, if a cat came here with a bellyache, what would I give them?"

He felt she tensed after hearing the question and concentrated heavily.

"Chervil root, I think?" She suggested and he felt waves of anxiety coming from her.

_Why it's such a big deal for you?_

That wasn't important for now. After Briarlight suggested it, he realised she was right.

"Yes, thank you." He mewed flatly and ate some of it.

Briarlight relief strongly striked him.

"Are you medicine cat in making?" Bumblestripe mewed to her, while poking her in the side.

"I still remember my warrior training!" She shouted and began to attack his brother.

Happy that no one asked any questions, Jayfeather quickly departed to search for herbs in the forest.

* * *

Jayfeather went reached the entrance to the camp holding some mallow in his jaws. It didn't went as well as he wanted, he couldn't find any other herbs. The chervil also didn't help much, the pain grew stronger and he began to feel sick. There couldn't be a worse time for it to happen than just before the leaf-bare began.

"Need help carrying rest of the herbs back to the camp?" Asked Dustpelt, who alongside with Spiderleg was guarding the camp.

Jayfeather shook his head. There were no more herbs that he found.

"Ferncloud was looking for you, by the way." Dustpelt meowed to the medicine cat, as he was pushing himself through the thorn tunnel.

The camp was full of life, now that most of the warriors were back, after day of hunting they were finally allowed to eat and share tongues to keep themselves warmed up.

Jayfeather wasn't in the mood for any of that, he wanted the day to be over.

He left the mallow in herb store and went to the nursery to solve whatever problem Ferncloud had.

The nursery wasn't very spacious, but Jayfeather was used to it. He could hear the kits squeaking voices and by their excitement and tumbling, he guessed they must have been playing with Daisy.

"Hi Jayfeather". Welcomed him the soft voice of Ferncloud.

"Hi. You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, thank you for coming." She let out a yawn before continuing.

"Sorry. Anyway, Dovewing came here earlier and she was wondering whether she was expecting kits."

_Old news_.

"And is she?"

"No, I don't think so. But she wouldn't ask, if there wasn't something serious going on between them, would she? Oh, I wish them best, they are so delightful together."

"That's great." He tried to sound enthusiastic, but between his anger at Dovewing, his pain and his exhaustion, he couldn't really do it.

"So I think you should check on her, you know. Just prophylactically."

_Dovewing will appreciate it a lot._

"I'll do it soon."

He felt food coming up to his throat. He swallowed it at the last moment but this near-vomiting experience left his throat burning.

_I have to do something with it._

Bothered by whatever illness was afflicting him, he decided to take drastic measures.

He left the Nursery and set his paws to the clearing. Tasting the air he found the cat he wanted.

Leafpool was chewing up a mouse with Squirrelflight and they both tensed as the medicine cat approached.

"Leafpool."

She swallowed what she was eating but remained silent.

"Can you come to my den?" He asked and without waiting for an answer he headed there.

She understood the idea and followed him.

"Hi Leafpool!" Briarlight's mew greeted the former medicine cat.

"Maybe you should go play with Sorreltail's kits? They look adorable, and I heard you like that." He mewed, wanting to be left only with Leafpool.

"How do you know they look adorable?" She mewed amused.

"Sorreltail would claw my ears off if I said anything else." He pointed the exit with his tail to emphasize his point.

The brown she-cat didn't argue any more and slowly but surely left the den.

"She is doing well." Leafpool commented warmly.

"Yes she is. But I didn't want you here to talk about her."

"So what is it about?"

Jayfeather felt a lump in his belly. He didn't want her help, as far as he was concerned, the further away Leafpool stayed, the better, but there was no other cat that could help him now. Cinderheart had the knowledge now, that he had helped her discover her past, but ever since then she was far too moody and unpredictable.

"I feel ill and I don't think clear enough to know how to treat myself." He finally spoken.

"I will help you however I can."

"Thanks."

"So you feel ill. What do yo mean by this, specifically?" She inquired.

"I am dizzy since the morning, have bellyache, feel nauseous and I almost vomited. And I feel exhausted in general."

"You ate something today?"

"No.

"Yesterday?"

"I shared a trush with Hollyleaf. But she seemed fine today."

"Have you been visiting dirt-place more often recently?"

"No."

"Have any other cats been complaining about similar symptoms?"

"No."

"You ate any herbs to cure it?"

"A paw and a half of chervil root at morning. Didn't help."

"Okay. Lay down at your side."

He laid down at his nest. Leafpool approached him and rested her paw at his belly. At first he squirmed away from the contact, but he recalled himself that it is for his own good.

His fur bristled as she was moving her paw higher and lower.

He felt her confidence flowing away, and soon it was something different that was ebbing out of her... Fear was piercing through him, so strong that he couldn't reach the memory that was causing it. The pain grew stronger and he let out a painful moan, trying to push aside Leafpool.

The she-cat shook herself and atmosphere went back to normal. His fur was still on the edge from this shocked feeling, and while Leafpool has calmed too, it was obvious something was bothering her as well.

"So, what do you suggest?" He asked trembling, not wanting to know what scared her so much.

Leafpool opened her mouth and took a deep breath.

"I-I-I... I don't know."

"Thanks for nothing." He mewed annoyed. She knew something. Why didn't she tell it?

"I-I... I think it is serious, though. You should go see some other medicine cat. Littlecloud is the closest one, go to him."

He snorted.

"I can't, ShadowClan would eat me alive, after all the Dawnpelt's lies."

"Littlecloud wouldn't let them harm you." She mewed with concern and pushed himself closer to Jayfeather.

He pushed her away.

"I don't want to take chances. I'll go see Kestrelflight then".

Leafpool lifted her front paw and for a second he thought she would try and come closer again, but she took a step back.

"Kestrelflight is a medicine cat for a shorter time even than you. Better go see Mothwing if you don't trust ShadowClan."

"Too far away. I'll go to WindClan."

Leafpool would probably object more, but he didn't let her, he went straight to Firestar.

The ThunderClan leader was standing under the Highledge, and observing his Clan from that point, as he had in habit.

As Jayfeather approached him, he felt another surge of pain rippling through his body.

"Are you okay?" Firestar asked, obviously noticing his wincing.

"No. I have to go see another medicine cat."

"You could ask Leafpool."

"I did. She doesn't know what it is. I want to go to WindClan and ask Kestrelflight for help."

Firestar took a moment to think over it.

"Very well. But I'm not letting you out alone."

"Brambleclaw!" He shouted and the deputy quickly came over.

"Jayfeather needs to be escorted over to WindClan camp."

"Okay. I'll arrange everything in a moment." Brambleclaw responded.

"Come." He meowed to Jayfeather.

They made their way to the warriors den, which began to be filled with warriors who wanted to sleep.

"I have to leave camp with Jayfeather for now. Hollyleaf, Blossomfall, you will take over night watch when the sun sets completely."

"But I..." Blossomfall tried to protest but she quickly thought better than that.

"Of course, Brambleclaw." She mewed apologetically.

"We can leave any time now." Brambleclaw mewed.

"Then let's not waste time." Jayfeather replied.

* * *

The journey wasn't pleasant. The cold wind was blowing in their faces and Jayfeather didn't feel any better. He felt heavy and dizzy, and he appreciated Brambleclaw's presence, how he always gave his shoulder for Jayfeather to lean on, when he didn't have the strength to stand any longer, how he guided him through the uneasy pathways trapped with roots, bushes and brambles and undergrowth.

They finally reached the stream, which marked the border between the two Clans.

"So what now?" Jayfeather spoke his first words since leaving the camp.

"We will wait a moment for their patrol, and if doesn't show up, I'll lead you straight up to their camp."

"That won't be seen very well by Onestar." Jayfeather mewed.

"Perhaps. But it's not the most important thing right now."

"The Clan will need you at the morning. You should go back, Brambleclaw."

"Not any more that they need you. Besides, the patrols are set, and someone will take the guard at the morning, if necessary."

"It's not like I don't trust you, Jayfeather to go alone... Normally I would, I know how much strength you have. But today you're not like your usual self." He meowed concerned.

"Thanks, I guess... I'm a bit ill, that's all. Nothing that I can't handle." He lied. He didn't want to leave Brambleclaw worrying.

"If it was like you speak, you wouldn't go to Kestrelflight."

The distant sound of a paw steps interrupted their conversation.

"WindClan is coming. I can handle things now." Jayfeather mewed.

"I'll will for you here, then."

"There's no ne-" Jayfeather tried to say, but Brambleclaw interrupted him.

"Just stop it. Let me help you when you need help."

"Fine. And Brambleclaw... Thank you."

The WindClan warriors finally reached the stream. It was Nightcloud, Heathertail and some apprentice whose name Jayfeather couldn't recall in the current state.

"What are you doing here?" Nightcloud spat.

"I need to see Kestrelflight. It's urgent." Jayfeather said looking directly at her.

"Murderers aren't welcome on WindClan territory." She replied.

"Ah, I forgot that cats needs Blackstar permission to visit the moor. Wait a second and I'll get it." Jayfeather snarked.

"Just let it go. ThunderClan may be traitors and cowards but we are better than that and will respect Medicine Cat's laws." Heathertail mewed.

Nightcloud just let out a growl.

"Come, we'll take you to the camp." Heathertail mewed.

"But it's better not some sort of trick, or else." Nightcloud threatened.

Jayfeather felt strange, traveling through moor. It was even colder, without all the underground to shelter him from the cruel wind and animosity from cats escorting him didn't make him feel any better. He gave his last bits of strength, trying not to appear as weak as he really was, but it couldn't have worked too well.

Eventually they reached the WindClan camp.

"Onestar, we had this ThunderClan cat want to talk with Kestrelflight."

Jayfeather flattened his ears, expecting another set of insults directed at him, this time from the WindClan leader.

"Medicine Cats are welcome here." Onestar mewed friendly.

"Come with me. I'll take you to his den." He continued.

Jayfeather thought for a while whether he should unsheathe his claws or fluff his fur, but decided against it. Even at his top shape and in a fair fight he wouldn't stand a chance against a warrior. Here and now, he was at their mercy.

He followed the path that Onestar took and in a second he smelled all the herbs that grew on the moor. It was here.

"You have a guest, Kestrelflight." Onestar mewed and moved away.

Jayfeather pushed himself through the heathers. He immediately recognized his fellow Medicine Cat.

"Hi Jayfeather!" Mewed Kestrelflight cheerfully and bounced up to his side.

"You haven't visited me at night for a long time."

"I never visited you at night." Jayfeather corrected him.

"But you should more often. Well, maybe not now, StarClan says we shouldn't see each other, but I guess we shouldn't follow what they say too strictly, should we?"

"Yeah, I think..."

"Anyway, what brings you up here? Need herbs? Company? Wanna change Clan?"

"I need help. I don't feel too well, and I can't treat myself in this state." Jayfeather went straight to the point.

"Ok, let me see. You ate something today?"

"No..."

"Do you want to? I can fetch you a rabbit."

"No need to, thanks."

Jayfeather heard Kestrelflight's tail droop.

"Sure, if you are not in a mood. Anyway, have you been visiting dirt place more often recently?"

* * *

"Sorry, Jayfeather, I'm afraid I won't be much of help for you. If you were a she-cat I would tell you that you are expecting kits, but you are not, so I don't know what's wrong."

_Leafpool was right, trying to get help from Kestrelflight was a waste of time._

"Thanks for help anyway, I'll get going." Jayfeather mewed.

"Hey, maybe you will stay for a night? It's dark now."

"It's not a problem for me."

"Oh, yes, right. But what if there's a **badger **out there?" Kestrelflight asked.

"Are there any badgers in WindClan territory?" Jayfeather asked unconvinced.

"Well, no. But I'm not sure if Onestar will have any warriors to spare this late." Kestrelflight kept insisting with even greater energy.

"I can handle it. Thanks for help." Jayfeather left, tired from discussing with WindClan medicine cat.

As soon he left the den, Onestar approached him.

_He must have waited for me all this time_.

"I hope Kestrelflight was able to help you."

"I am thankful for his help, but I'm afraid it isn't enough." Jayfeather tried to respond as politely as he could.

"Then I'm sorry for that. I'll escort you back to your camp then."

Jayfeather cocked his head in disbelief, but Onestar ignored him.

"Brambleclaw will be waiting for me at the border."

"Then I'll escort you to the border."

* * *

Even more tired after all this traveling, Jayfeather wanted nothing more than to lie down in his nest. It was not going to be an easy night with all his organs twisting inside, but he'll have to cope. He will go to Mothwing tomorrow, he was sure of it. There was no way she could help him even less than Kestrelflight did.

"Goodnight Jayfeather. I'm sorry that Kestrelflight couldn't help you." Brambleclaw mewed before going in to the warriors den.

"Goodnight.

He made a step toward his den, but something was blocking his way. He shook his head to clear his mind up a bit. It was Leafpool standing in front of medicine cat den.

"So, what did Kestrelflight said?"

"That I'm expecting kits. Now let me sleep." He moved around her and wanted to go straight for his nest.

But all these strange emotions coming out of Leafpool now began to made sense to him.

"Leafpool." He mewed as he turned back to face her.

"You don't find this funny, or stupid. You think that he is _right_." Jayfeather mewed.

Leafpool shuffled her paws nervously.

"You are right, Jayfeather. I think you are expecting kits."

* * *

Reviews appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Jayfeather shook his head disbelieving Leafpool's words.

"But that's impossible! Toms can't have kits."

"I know... I thought I was out of my mind, but the symptoms match... And if Kestrelflight though so too... Then it may be it." Leafpool mewed awkwardly.

"How it is going to work? How will I feed them? How will they _come out_?" He mewed, slowly realising that the worst may yet to come.

He imagined himself lying in the nursery, surrounded by worried queens.

_"The kits are coming!" Ferncloud mewed terrified._

"We will figure something, Jayfeather. Stay strong, please, my kit." Leafpool whispered into his ear.

His whole body was convulsing and he knew it was the time. The waves of force moving through his body were growing stronger and he couldn't contain them anymore. He felt an excruciating pain, as his belly was ripped open and he saw the kits moving out of him, floating among his intestines.

"Daisy, take the kits! Ferncloud, help me push them in!" She mewed as she tried to push the intestines back to Jayfeather.

"Don't leave me!" She mewed but her voice was getting quiet. Jayfeather knew it was his time to join StarClan.

Jayfeather shook his head.

_That's nonsense._ Was his thought, but he was still startled by what he just imagined. _It's ridiculous, but what if it's true?_

"I don't know, Jayfeather. I will try to think about it and figure out a way to help you." Leafpool said, and Jayfeather felt a tip of her tail resting on his shoulder.

"But whatever happens, I will do whatever it takes to save you and your kits." She mewed warmly.

"T-Thanks." He mewed, feeling that he will need whatever support there is more than ever.

"I need to rest." He mewed tired.

Leafpool licked his forehead slowly and affectionately.

"Don't worry, it will turn out to be fine, I'm sure. Have faith."

With the rest of his strength he moved over to his nest. Leafpool left his den and the only thing interrupting his thoughts was Briarlight's steady breathing.

He lied down trying to get some rest but restlessness was filling him completely. He couldn't get thoughts straight.

It wasn't until he felt a hot breath on his ears, that he decided to wake up.

Jayfeather turned around, opening his eyes. The gray, mottled fur and ironic glint in amber eyes were the last things he wanted to see that day.

"What do you want, Yellowfang?"

She observed him carefully, grinning in a way that made Jayfeather feel uncomfortable.

"I've came to give my best wishes to the next ThunderClan's queen, as StarClan has in tradition."

"So I am expecting kits? How is that even possible?"

Yellowfang narrowed her eyes.

"You tell me."

"It's always the same reason, one thinks they are above the code we swore to abode." She mewed distantly.

"I didn't do anything like that!" He spat defiantly.

Yellowfang raised her paw in a swift move, but before Jayfeather could react, with a swoosh it striked his head with great force.

"Now listen! Spare these lies for your Clanmates. I know how it happens, I made the same mistake, remember?" Her eyes were blazing.

Jayfeather wanted to say something but he was still staggering from the blow.

"At first you think it's nothing. _I can have feelings, there's nothing wrong with it._ But then comes the attachment. You want to be with that cat, _it's not like it's harming anyone_, right? But when you become a medicine cat, you know what you promise! You knew too. And then you give yourself some leeway. _Only one night, I promise_. By the time you realise the Clan needs you, it's too late. It's always too late... You have failed them."

"I didn't do anything like that. I'm not anything like Leafpool and you!" He mewed angrily.

Lightning fast, Yellowfang leaped at him and knocked him down effortlessly. He waved his paws trying to free himself from the pin, but he knew it was for nothing.

"Don't talk to me like that! You may think you are better, but you are not, and it's time for you to realise that whatever she-cat you wish you'd rather see in your dreams isn't what you should think about." She spat and pushed him aside.

_Half Moon?_ Jayfeather realised what Yellowfang was talking about. _Is that your boon, that kits?_ He looked at his belly, and felt something wriggling inside him. _Our kits._ He imagined their gray furred kits, with the beauty of Half Moon's eyes, and warmth flooded over him. _I'll do everything for them, Half Moon!_

"When Leafpool learned about what was about to come, I wanted to tell her that she should tell the truth to the Clan. But _StarClan_," she spat "thought they knew better. But it was only a repeat of my mistake."

Yellowfang stretched herself and rested her head on her paws, looking miserably.

"Brokenstar wasn't a bad kit, you know? But ShadowClan back then wasn't as cosy as a kittypet nest, like ThunderClan is now. If there was someone who would pick up thorns that were in his way and left him some feathers for comfort, he wouldn't end up like this. It's where I should be, but I wasn't. You didn't have it bad with Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw."

She stood up and turned around.

"Don't repeat our mistake, Jayfeather. You should know how much pain it brings."

* * *

"It wasn't what I expected." Dovewing murmured, still shaking, as Jayfeather finished his examination.

"What did you expect? I'm blind, I have to work by touch."

Moss shushed as she turned to face him.

"So... Is everything fine?" She asked quietly.

Jayfeather sighed.

"Yes, you're totally healthy. You can go back purring to Bumblestripe."

He lashed his tail at the ground.

"But that doesn't mean you should." He growled.

Jayfeather shivered as he thought about _his_kits. What right he had to remind Dovewing, when he was expecting kits. But he pushed that feeling aside, it wouldn't help fighting with the Dark Forest at all, if yet another member of the three had to worry about his kits.

He felt anger mounting inside of her, but it quickly went away.

"Whatever. Can I go now?" She mewed irritated, already heading toward the entry to the den as she asked.

"Wait." He meowed.

"Is Hollyleaf back from the patrol?"

Dovewing fell in a deep concentration for a split second.

"She is coming back to the camp as of now." She mewed confidently.

"Thank you, Dovewing. You can go now."

She hasn't waited a moment and left.

Jayfeather as now alone in his den. This loneliness comforted him, yet he knew that he couldn't hide here forever. All the day he was thinking what he should do, and imagined conversations with cats and their reactions. His paws trembled as he thought about it again.

Jayfeather gathered his courage and jumped back on his paws. He turned toward the exit, and after feeling the wind on his whiskers, making sure the exit _is_in front of him, he went to fresh-kill pile.

He waited, shivering, wondering what her reaction would be. It didn't take long before he could sense her smell, hear her pawsteps.

Hollyleaf approached fresh-kill pile and dropped whatever she was carrying in her jaws before Jayfeather. He heard feathers hitting the grass just in front of him.

"Hollyleaf." He muttered.

"Jayfeather." She replied stalwartly.

There were too many curious ears for Jayfeather's taste. Maybe he should tell all his Clanmates about this - but he decided that this is not the right time. He wanted Hollyleaf's approval first.

"Can we go for a walk?"

"Of course."

* * *

They have wandered around the ThunderClan territory, Hollyleaf half tail-length behind Jayfeather, leading him guide her around. He tried to gather his mind. Although he thought the whole night what should he tell her, when it came to it, none of it seemed right. Since they left the camp they haven't shared a single word.

He stopped, and he heard Hollyleaf stopped moving as well.

"Do you remember that night when Ashfur trapped us in the fire?" He asked, breaking the silence.

As he asked he could feel the strong presence of his sister fading, as if the weight of his question smothered her.

"I'll never forget it. I could never forget it. So much happened in the aftermath of that event. I've done so much that I shouldn't have done."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Hollyleaf," He tried to reassure her.

"I'm not. That's the truth, and it took me long to understand it. I'm ashamed of my actions and nothing I'll do in my life will make it up." Though there was sadness in her mews, the utmost certainty in which she spoke it made him realise that she was right.

"But you didn't come here to talk about the past, did you Jayfeather?"

He turned his head around and starting moving the pebble under his paw, trying to find the right words.

"Do you think what Leafpool done was right?" He tried to find out Hollyleaf's opinion before announcing his news.

"It's..." Hollyleaf began to speak but it took her much time before she continued.

"It's complicated. She broke her promise and lied to us. But didn't she do it for us? Would it be better if we lived as rogues?"

"Firestar wouldn't exile her if she told the truth from start." Jayfeather snorted.

"Maybe not... But that were different times. Many cats were angry that Firestar was so open... Don't you remember how Longtail told us how Mousefur challenged Firestar on the number of outsiders in the Clan, and a lot of cats supported her?"

Jayfeather began to relax, hearing the accepting words of his sister.

"So you forgave Leafpool?"

Hollyleaf took a few steps away from him.

"Me? Forgive her?" Her voice was muffled, as if it was a long forgotten echo.

"I'm the one who needs forgiveness. I'm the murderer. I poisoned the life of too many cats, and they may be broken forever, because of my stupid, selfish actions."

Shiver ran through Jayfeather's spine, as he heard Hollyleaf's confession.

"You don't know everything Jayfeather. But I'll do everything I can to make up for it."

Jayfeather was curious what secrets Hollyleaf was hiding, and although part of him wanted to probe her mind, he respected her honesty and decided to let it go.

"I have to tell you something Hollyleaf."

He could sense her gaze carefully watching him.

He turned around to face her, and he knew that he was ready.

"I'm expecting kits, Hollyleaf."

He didn't quite know what to expect. The awkward silence seemed to last forever.

"And what are you going to do with it?" She asked emotionlessly.

"I'm going to tell Firestar today, and have him announce it to the Clan. And hope that the Clan won't be angry."

He then felt Hollyleaf's muzzle affectionately pressing against his cheek.

"I'm happy for you." She mewed.

"So you're not angry?"

"I don't like how... how you broke the code, if that's what you ask about. But it is not my place to judge you, Jayfeather. And whatever happens, you are my brother and I will support you."

He felt warmth of her words tingling his fur.

"T-thanks."

"I always thought that Lionblaze would be the first of us to have a family of his own. Since I found him with Heathertail, he always seemed the most interested... I never would have expected you."

"And what about you, Hollyleaf? Have you never thought about taking a mate and having kits on your own?"

He heard her claws scrapping the grass.

"I didn't... I wanted to be a leader of ThunderClan. To dedicate myself to my clanmates and serving the warrior code. I thought mate would get in the way."

"But that was a kit's dream." She mewed wistfully.

"I got too nostalgic, because of you, mousebrain." She mewed before giving him a friendly shove.

"We wandered around for too long. Let's go back, I want to congratulate Briarlight too." She mewed as she started going back to camp.

"What's Briarlight got to do with that?" He mewed confused.

"She is expecting your kits, right?" Hollyleaf replied surprised.

"No. She can't have kits, and I don't like her in _that_way." Jayfeather shuddered at the implications of Hollyleaf's words. Does the whole ThunderClan sees them as mates?

"_I_am expecting kits, Hollyleaf." He felt his strength waning, as he muttered these words.

"But... toms can't have kits, right?" She asked, puzzled.

"So I've thought... But cats also can't hear things across the lake, or visit other cats' dreams, too, don't they? There are many mysteries in this world, and I doubt we will ever learn them all."

Hollyleaf just stayed there speechlessly.

"I don't know how this happened. And I'm scared." Jayfeather mewed.

There was no reason to tell anyone about Half Moon. They wouldn't understand. Maybe, like Yellowfang, they would say that he broke his vows. He felt the comforting presence of his sister, but he still felt scared. How would the others react? Will he be all right? He wanted to believe that Half Moon wouldn't do anything that would hurt him, but the strange forces he felt on his body were disconcerting.

"I wish I could offer you words of comfort, Jayfeather." Hollyleaf mew.

"But I don't want to lie, and this does sound disturbing."

He felt his sister pressing hers cheek against his.

"But let's not worry in excess." She mewed.

* * *

They reached ThunderClan camp.

_It went better than I thought it would_, Jayfeather thought. If Hollyleaf accepted his condition, the rest of the Clan would too, he has hoped.

The dizziness returned, but it didn't dampen his satisfaction from conversation with Hollyleaf.

"Thanks Hollyleaf." He parted his way with his sister by the fresh-kill pile.

He scanned the camp looking for Leafpool. He had to find out whether she would be able to answer his question.

He didn't have to do it for long, as she approached him on her own.

"Can I have a moment with you, Jayfeather?" She asked quietly.

"Yes, I was actually looking for you. But I wouldn't mind some privacy." He mewed, and saying that, he went to the medicine cat den.

The den was filled with familiar scents of herbs.

Thankfully for Jayfeather, Briarlight was out, so they were alone.

Jayfeather could hear Leafpool's weary steps as she circled him

"Are you feeling any better?"

Jayfeather shook his head.

"Aren't there any herbs that would help?"

"Giving herbs to an expecting cat can be bad for the kits." She murmured.

"Besides, these are natural symptoms. I guess they are way stronger because your body isn't prepared for that."

Jayfeather growled but Leafpool didn't react.

"I am scared," He admitted wearily.

He felt his ear nuzzled by Leafpool.

"Everyone is scared when it comes."

"But that's because she-cats like to fret," he replied.

"Just like you." Leafpool mewed teasingly.

"But it is a serious issue. I never heard about a pregnant tom. Births are dangerous even for healthy she-cats, and it will probably be far more serious for you." She added gravely.

"Much of what lies ahead is unknown to me. I'll try to talk with Littlecloud and Mothwing at the gathering, perhaps they have cases like that before." She continued.

"But I don't expect them to know any more than we do. But know, that I'll do everything I can to help you get through this, and I expect that you give everything out of yourself as well."

Leafpool determination made him feel more... Secure.

_It's like she was mentor again. Confident and passionate, always knowing what to do. Not as a mouse hiding in the undergrowth, like she was as a warrior._

Jayfeather realised how he missed her like that.

"I will." He mewed.

"I know you will." She mewed warmly.

"We need to be prepared for what will come. I thought about it a lot last night."

"I won't judge you, Jayfeather. I made my own choices, and my But I need you to be honest with me, if I'm going to help you."

"Fine."

Leafpool didn't respond immediately.

She took a few deep breaths, which began to make Jayfeather discomfortable.

"Is Kestrelflight the father of the kits?" She asked quietly.

"_**What**_?"

Blood pounded in his ears, and his paws began to shake, as his anger at Leafpool's question mounted.

"Would it be possible at all? For two toms to have kits? Where are you getting these ideas! Why _Kestrelflight_?"

He felt Leafpool shying away from him.

"I... I need to know, Jayfeather. Is he or is he not?" Though this time he barely heard her at all.

"No! I never mated with any cat! I don't know how I'm pregnant!"

_Except Half-moon_, he heard his inside voice. But he didn't want to tell Leafpool about that. It wouldn't help her in any way, either way, he thought.

"It's fine, I believe you..." She mewed hesitatingly.

"It's just that kits usually have two parents... So I thought that may be it... And... Back when we were going to Moonpool together I saw how Kestrelflight looked at you."

_What are you talking about?_Jayfeather thought, still angry.

"So, we are without answer to this question... I thought it could help us. It doesn't matter, then."

"So you are expecting kits..." Leafpool mewed distantly.

"I think that you are at the end of first moon. It may be visible quite soon. Have you thought what do you want to tell Clan about that?" She inquired.

"I'm not going to lie to them. I don't want my kits to live like outcasts."

Leafpool cringed.

"I will go to Firestar today and tell him the truth. He will understand." He mewed, trying to sound confident.

_I hope he will_.

"Firestar is a good leader. He will understand". She mewed gently.

_If you really believed that you wouldn't gave us to Squirrelflight._He thought.

But he began to appreciate that she was trying to calm him. He was stressed enough by everything that was happening.

"There are more problems. How will you give birth?" She asked herself.

"You may have to give birth through your tailhole. It would be the closest thing to normal birth for a tom."

Jayfeather felt everything inside him twisting.

"It doesn't sound too... Pleasant." He commented.

"I doubt it will be. For one thing, it's too small for kits. Even some she-cats have problems with this, and with you only having your tailhole, it's going to be much worse."

"We could try some exercises to try and stretch it, so it would be easier when the birth comes. It will still most likely rip." She continued.

Jayfeather didn't look forward to such prospect. Just listening to him almost made him hurt.

But at the same time, he knew he would not relent.

"I'm... willing to do what's necessary." He mewed grudgingly.

"Good. We need to prepare for whatever may come." She mewed in approval.

"The other possibility is that the kits will come the other way. You could vomit them. It would also be uncomfortable, but I think it would be more safe in general."

That didn't make Jayfeather feel much better.

"What about feeding kits? I can't do that, right?" He asked.

"Thankfully that's the least of our problems. I'm sure that if you ask Sorreltail, she will take care of your kits." She mewed.

_Alright, at least something looks like it will go right._

Leafpool gently touched his muzzle with a tip of her tail.

"Don't worry. It may end up better than you think. You are all tense, go rest and stop worrying for now."

"Thanks Leafpool."

She left him alone in the den, as he stretched in his nest. Perhaps he shouldn't worry as much as he did. It, alongside with his condition left him tired.

But before he could go to sleep he knew there was one more thing he had to do.

Jayfeather stood up, and leaving the comforting scents of his den, headed up to the high ledge, to the Firestar's den.

* * *

Reviews appreciated.

I hope I didn't put in too much naturalism in this chapter, as I'm not an overly big fan of the style, but I felt that it was necessary.

At times I'm astonished how cheesy my stories are. Oh well.


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